Dark
pink – Bry
I.
The Basics
Your Name: Stephanie
Your Age: 27
Website URL: http://moonparadise.ca.tt
AOL, Yahoo, MSN, AIM, Screen Names:
Your E-Mail: mysticgirl916@gmail.com
Your Forum Username: moonduchess
Rping Experience: This is my first game.
II. Just Your Everyday Girl…or Boy
Character Name: Amika Irene Cassidy
Name Meaning:
Amika: Means "friendly" in Esperanto
Irene: From the Greek Ειρηνη
(Eirene) which meant "peace". Irene was the
Greek goddess of peace, one of the ‘Ωραι
(Horai). Another famous bearer was an 8th-century
Byzantine empress, the first woman to lead the Empire. She originally served as
regent for her son, but later had him killed and ruled alone.
Cassidy: From an Irish surname which was derived from Ó Caiside
meaning "descendent of Caiside". Caiside is a first name meaning "curly haired"
from Gaelic cas.
Character Position: Alto Senshi
Birth Date: February 11
Astrological Sign: Aquarius
Age: 17
Blood Type: A+
Birth Place: Los Angeles, California
Nationality: American
Occupation: Amika works part-time at a record store
and also teaches jazz dance to young children
School: Clark High School
Academic Level: Senior year of high school
Major/Minor: Major in dance
GPA: 3.75
School Involvements: Dance, Color Guard
This
is a pretty good, the name seems slightly exotic to me, but she is from
III. The Nitty-Gritty
Character Information
For the likes, dislikes, and hobbies below, please simply state what they
enjoy; you need not put any sentences to back up each of these ideas. Generally
when this is required, there seems to be a smaller amount of likes, dislikes,
and hobbies and makes the character very one-dimensional from this.
Likes: Creativity,
Dislikes: Rude people
Hobbies: Dancing (ballet, jazz, hip-hop), shopping
Favorite Food: Sushi, jasmine tea
Hated Food: Olives
Favorite Animal: Cat
Favorite Color: Hot pink, Aqua
Aspirations: To become a professional dancer
Flaws: Can be a little too energetic at times and can get carried away with
some of her hopes, ambitions and present projects. Can be too much of a dreamer
at times
Physical Appearance
Hair color and style: Light brown, shoulder-length straight (sometimes up in a
ponytail or in a bun)
Eye color, shape etc: Blue, normal style, full lashes
Facial Features: Heart-shaped face, bright features
Body Type/Build/Skin Color & Height & Weight:
Slim build, medium complexion. 5'5", 115 lbs
Walking Style/’Carriage’: Graceful carriage, gentle walking style
Clothing Style: Flashy (bright-colored tops, miniskirts, etc.)
Distinguishing Marks: None
Other Physical Appearance Details: None
Voice: Medium tone ranging from gentle to energetic, somewhat gentle in nature
Personality:
* Outgoing
* Smart
* Popular
* Energetic
* Friendly
Amika is one of the more popular seniors at Clark
High School, yet she is known more for her academic skills than her social
skills, She's very smart and among the top of her class, her hope is to go on
to a university with a good dance program so she can fulfill her ambitions of
becoming a professional dancer. Her favorite school subjects are English,
dramatic arts and American history. She can make friends easily
She loves listening to music, preferably a lot of retro from the late 70s. On
weekends, she likes to go to Studio 54 and dance the night away, but it never
detracts her from her studies. She loves to perform,
she has won several major dance competitions and has participated in many local
dance productions
History: Amika was reborn with no knowledge of her
past life. She was born into royalty, the princess of a faraway kingdom where
music, dance and passion was a way of life. But something changed all that. An
evil presence found its way into the kingdom, destroying Amika's
homeland and her people leaving her as the only survivor. Her Lyrican guardian Anthea saved her
life by sending her into the future, promising to meet up with her again. It
was the energetic music of her homeland that fostered Amika's
love of disco music
Okay now, we really do not get to know Amika at all, aside from her personality. We want our
characters to seem as if they are real people, this being said – do you
personally only like one thing, dislike one thing, and have but two hobbies? Probably
not, we are much more dimensional. Try to add more, delve a little deeper into Amika. Disco could be so much fun to develop with fashion
and the trends of the era. Go crazy and have fun with it. The appearance and
personality are both good starts, but I could use more information. At the
moment this girl seems just a little too one-dimensional. As far as the history
goes, we want her history on Earth, as an Alto, your senshi
shouldn’t have knowledge or a history revolving around Lyrica.
You
started off well with her physical appearance but you need to juice
it up quite a bit, what kind of bangs does she have? Does she have any at all?
What is a "medium complexion?" May be you should give her a crazy
'80s wardrobe to go with her genre or perhaps a ponytail to the side of her
head? You need to make her fit her genre physically and personality-wise and I
am not seeing this yet anywhere.
As far as likes and dislikes go--are you seriously saying your character only
has one of each? Characters are like actual people; they have a wide variety of
things they love to do and loathe. It is funny that
she is so into ballet, jazz, hip-hop even if her genre is disco.
It would not be so bad if you had a lot of other interests down with it but
making that her sole interest yet selecting this genre
is a no-go.
You have not given her any flaws, you speak only of the positive aspects of her
and make her sound very Mary Sue-ish...elaborate and
give her some negative traits or bad habits. 8D
The good and the bad make a character well, a character, and flaws can give
your character something to grow out of throughout the game too.
History-wise, Sailor Disco is an Alto senshi; they have no idea what the heck Lyrica, guardians, and the word "senshi"
means. The history is very underdeveloped and does
not follow the storyline where only the Errata(NPC) senshi may be from Lyrica.
Everyone else is a human, of course.
V. Relations & Miscellaneous
NPCs:
Family: Mother (Nicole Kelly): A former dancer, she is very graceful yet
energetic. She longs to see her daughter succeed, but is not pushy like some
other "stage mothers". Her hobbies include dance (she is skilled in
jazz and modern), volleyball and surfing
Father (Michael Cassidy): He is a sports columnist at a local
Younger Sister (Heather Cassidy): A 15-year-old sophomore at
Character Relations: She has 3 close friends that are part of her little
"trio clique": Amy and Jessica. They are both in Amika's
homeroom and practically do everything together
Love Life: Currently single, Amika's academic
pursuits and current ambitions give her little time to look for love
Character Theme Song: "Night Fever" by the Bee Gees
Secret(s): Amika doesn't have many secrets
Though
the NPC descriptions are fairly short, they do seem to let you know just a
glimpse; however, where are their appearances, personalities, interactions, and
lives? Who are Amy and Jessica? The family has a fantastic start just try to dig
a little deeper. And everybody has a few secrets – share something, we like the
gossip.
Elaborate. You were off to a good start. :] Just do some more
detail-work and you are good to go! You need to explain how Amika
gets along with her friends and family, and especially elaborate on her friends
as you did on her family.
VI. Proelium Soldier
Senshi Name: Sailor Disco
Henshin Item: Star-shaped disco ball pendant
Henshin Phrase: “Disco Alto Power, Make Up!"
Description: Amika holds her pendant aloft as she
speaks her henshin phrase. The star pendant glitters
and sends out multicolored beams of light that surround her and form her sailor
fuku. Silver beams of light wrap around her arms,
forming her gloves and bracelet, then wrap around her ankles, forming the
ribbons on her shoes. She spins around once as her floral headpiece appears,
then finishes in her final pose: left hand on hip, right leg extended outward,
right arm up with index finger pointing upwards, suggesting a disco pose
Fuku (using Fuku #1)
PRIMARY COLOR: Fuchsia
SECONDARY COLOR: Silver
TERTIARY COLOR: Aqua
NECKLACE: Fuchsia choker with silver star pendant
EARRINGS: Glittering silver star drops with 1.5" silver trails at the ends
SAILOR FLAP/COLLAR: Fuchsia, 1 stripe
SLEEVES: None.
GLOVES: Default style, silver bangle bracelet on left wrist
CENTER BOW: None.
DRESS: Short dress, fuchsia flecked with silver star sparkles, no back length
BACK BOW: Aqua back bow
SHOES: Fuchsia wedge heels with silver ribbon winding around the ankles
TIARA: Aqua and fuchsia lily headpiece
Challenge Phrase: "Under the glittering night, I am Sailor Disco -
fighting evil at a fever pitch!"
Additional Notes/Changes: When Amika changes into
Sailor Disco, her hair transforms from plain straight into a
French twist adorned with silver ribbon. The area underneath her necklace
and on her shoulders is flecked with silver body glitter. In her Senshi form, she wears beige nylon stockings underneath her
sailor costume
Attacks (Up to 2 per senshi)
Attack Names: Mirrorball Reflection (song: "I
Love The Nightlife" by Alicia Bridges) , Midnight Fever Stardust (song:
"If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman)
Attack Descriptions:
Mirrorball Reflection: Holding her Mirrorball Orb in front of her in both hands, she
pirouettes twice as light swirls around her. She shouts her attack phrase, the mirroball glitters and silver light is
emitted from it
Midnight Fever Stardust: With her right hand resting on her left shoulder, she
swings her left arm upward. Her right hand does several gestures as she
performs a combination of dance steps. The energy causes brightly colored stars
to rise from the floor beneath her and swirl around her body. She brings her
left hand down from its skyward position and says her attack phrase
Attack Effects: When Mirrorball Reflection is used, the silver light that is emitted allows her to see
enemy weaknesses. It is usually used as a set-up or combination attack with
another Senshi. Midnight Fever Stardust is primarily
a defense attack. The swirling colored stars act as a shield that defends her
from enemy attacks. She only uses this in emergency situations when she is
threatened
Weapon: Mirrorball Orb: A small disco mirrorball that is used in her Mirrorball
Reflection attack
Other Information: None
I
really enjoyed the henshin, very clever! And the henshin item sounds really cute; however, you really need
to let loose with this fuku darling! Disco isn’t
about following the rules and conforming to the basics – it’s being funky,
colorful, and fun! It’s a good start, but it needs more spice. The attacks are
really clever and I even like the weapon (side note: I’m not particularly a fan
of many weapons). You have a great start with the senshi
information, but you just have to punch it up a little bit, more detail, more
pizzazz!
Awesome
henshin item, I love it! Is it on a necklace or a
bracelet? You need to specify. Her henshin is
wonderful too. 8D Another character already has fuschia
as her primary fuku color too, so you might want to
switch up the colors like making aqua or silver the primary color instead. They
are beautiful colors to work with for disco, even some
yellow eye-make up and sparkles would be pretty awesome. =]
You need to explain the head piece too, each head piece worn by the Alto senshi is very much different. It doesn't even have to be
flower-related as it has nothing to do with the genre. Go wild with Sailor
Disco's fuku as she's one of the more
funkier ones to work with. I am loving the
silver body glitter too! You need to stop striving for elegance with her
(French twist hairstyle, etc) and get into the funky groove of things with
Sailor Disco, try some crazy colored make-up and something flashy and different
about her fuku! We made our fukus
so open so you could customize them as you wish, just as how Sailor Jungle has
her leopard print and lace, Sailor Disco can have her own special things like fuku patterns & materials.
Your attack names were wonderful, I especially love
"Midnight Fever Stardust!" So original!
As for her weapon, you need to elaborate more on it--what is its exact size?
Does she summon the weapon or is she constantly holding it from after the time
she henshins?
VII: Guardians
Guardian Name: Anthea
Real name: Ananda
Species: Cat
Physical Description: Black Burmese with silver markings. Silver Lyrica mark on forehead
Human Form: Ananda is as tall as Amika,
with wavy raven-black hair. She mostly wears silver-colored tops and black
skirts
Good
start for the guardian, we just need more – give Anthea
a personality.
VIII: Writing Sample Optional
IX: Other Shtuff
Potential plans: Amika wants to know more about her
past life, she often needs help from the other Alto Senshi
and their guardians to help put the pieces back together
Miscellaneous: Nothing else to add
At
this point Amika would know nothing about Lyrica and her past, so the potential plans coming from her
direct point of view is a little skewed. You could personally want Amika to eventually learn about her past; but I have a
feeling when the scouts do learn about Lyrica and
their pasts it will be a ways into the RPG.
This
needs to change when you revise your application as it does not correspond at
all with how the Alto senshi have no idea about Lyrica or anything as of yet. Change your potential plans
when you revise the application.
Final Verdict: Auto-Reject; Does not follow
storyline of Alto senshi not knowing of Lyrica or anything about their senshi
identity yet.
I
believe Amika does show potential for being Sailor
Disco in time; however, you have a lot of work ahead of you. There was a
painful lack of description here, making the character seem far too
one-dimensional, though a lot of the sections did show a good start or an area
for potential.
One thing I noticed though: You seemed to mention other genres a lot more than
Disco. Take jazz, you mentioned it quiet a few times in the application, so
maybe taking a day or two to consider if jazz may be a better option is in
order. You need to add a lot of flare and excitement to Disco if you want her
to really feel the part for the senshi.
I agree with Rachel, definitely take some time to go re-read some sections on
the site. As she stated already the FAQ, information, and storyline can offer a
lot of help. I believe there had to have either been some parts skipped or
forgotten, especially in the parts where you mention Amika’s
past on Lyrica and her knowledge of said past.
With some hard work I think this could be polished into a good application, but
at the moment it does need some work. This is a good job for a first try,
especially for your first RPG. Just try to remember the suggestions given, and
re-read some subjects on the Proelium Cantus site.
The
application showed some good ideas from the senshi
section but the rest of it needs to be scrapped and revised or have a
The storyline, information, and FAQ should be re-read over too. :) I know it's
a lot to read but it'll answer all your questions such as how on Alto senshi have no clue about their
guardians or Lyrica in general. Not knowing this in
itself is the main reason for the auto-reject.
You really need to juice up this information by pumping it with lots of detailwork and elaborate. I promise you will love and be
closer to your character too by doing this and giving her some flaws. Everyone
has flaws, it is part of what separates us from one
another!
Bottom line: Work on detailwork, scrap & revise
her history completely (This is what gave you the auto-reject), give her flaws
and more likes&dislikes, get rid of the elegant
Soprano-ish vibe she gives off, make her appearance
or even just her fuku more funky and disco-esque, and re-read the storyline, information, and FAQ
section again. You might also want to consider switching her over to a Soprano senshi or just a different senshi
overall if you do not want to revise Amika’s
personality to suit her current genre.