WineBry

Orange – Bee

 

I.        The Basics
Your Name: Stephanie
Your Age: 27
Website URL: http://moonparadise.ca.tt (Silver Moon Paradise - my Sailor Moon fan page)
AOL, Yahoo, MSN, AIM, Screen Names: MSN: mystic_girl@hotmail.com, Yahoo: fieldsfan336, AIM: none
Your E-Mail: mysticgirl916@gmail.com
Your Forum Username: moonduchess
Rping Experience: This is my first RPG. I have written some otaku SM fanfiction in the past


II. Just Your Everyday Girl…or Boy
Character Name: Amika Irene Cassidy
Name Meaning:
Amika: Means "friendly" in Esperanto. Amika sounded like a cool, exotic name to give my character, it has pizzazz and flair like the Senshi she portrays
Irene: From the Greek Ειρηνη (Eirene) which meant "peace". Irene was the Greek goddess of peace, one of the ‘Ωραι (Horai). Another famous bearer was an 8th-century Byzantine empress, the first woman to lead the Empire. She originally served as regent for her son, but later had him killed and ruled alone. Irene reminded me of the singer Irene Cara, who performed such hits as "Flashdance" and "Fame" (which sounds sort of disco-ish)
Cassidy: From an Irish surname which was derived from Ó Caiside meaning "descendent of Caiside". Caiside is a first name meaning "curly haired" from Gaelic cas. This is especially true when Amika changes into Senshi form, she has wavy hair. But one thing that did come to mind when I chose "Cassidy" for her last name was David Cassidy, a teen heart-throb from the 70s
Character Position: Sailor Disco of the Alto Senshi
Birth Date: February 11
Astrological Sign: Aquarius
Age: 17
Blood Type: A+
Birth Place: Los Angeles, California
Nationality: American, yet her background is British on her mother's side and American on her father's side
Occupation: Amika works part-time at the f.y.e. store at the Boulevard Mall and has been working there for a little over a year. She stocks the shelves, prices new arrivals and assists the customers with questions and suggestions they might have. It gives her the chance to meet new people - mostly tourists who arrive from all over the world - and share her love and knowledge of retro music
School: Clark High School
Academic Level: Senior year of high school
Major/Minor: Potential major in dance
GPA: 3.75
School Involvements: Dance, Color Guard

I really love the research you put into finding Amika a job, also incorporating the last name with David Cassidy this time around really pulls the name together for me; I'd thought that was the connection in your previous application but I wasn't quite sure. Not to mention your ties with the rest of her name. Good Job.

 

I love her name and the unique relevance it has to Amika! :] And Aquarius is very perfect for Disco; free-spirited, revolutionary, and eccentric.

II. The Nitty-Gritty Character Information
For the likes, dislikes, and hobbies below, please simply state what they enjoy; you need not put any sentences to back up each of these ideas. Generally when this is required, there seems to be a smaller amount of likes, dislikes, and hobbies and makes the character very one-dimensional from this.
Likes: Going to Studio 54 (this is her favorite hangout where she and Amy go to dance and have fun on weekends), retro music (she is a huge fan of 70s disco artists like the Bee Gees, Abba, CHIC and Donna Summer as well as 80s artists like Kool and the Gang), collecting funky jewellery, experimenting with make-up/hairstyles, glitter, rhinestones, neon lights, mirrorballs, gold/silver lame, roller disco, "Saturday Night Fever", platform shoes
Dislikes: Rude people, people who put disco music down, indifference, people who don't understand her point of view
Hobbies: Dancing, shopping at vintage clothing stores for cool retro-chic fashions, listening to music
Favorite Food: Sushi, California rolls. She really developed a taste for Japanese food after going to a Japanese restaurant in downtown LA with her mother and sister while her father was out of town
Hated Food: Olives. She tried one and thought it tasted too weird. Anytime she sees something with olives in it, she picks it out of her food and sets it aside on her plate
Favorite Animal: Cat. Amika prefers mysterious kinds of breeds like Burmese and Siamese, due to their exotic nature - because her name is quite exotic itself
Favorite Color: Silver. As a lover of retro music, the color reminds her of the glittering mirrorballs of Studio 54 where she likes to go dancing every weekend
Aspirations: To become a professional dancer. She has taken lessons since she was 6, but has really come into her element when she hits the floor of the club. She aspires to go to a university with a strong dance program, be it in the city or out of state
Flaws: Amika has a few flaws. She can be very headstrong and demanding, especially when it comes to her ambitions - she wants the best out of everything she does. She tends to be a bit of a perfectionist, but she's not snobby


Physical Appearance
Hair color/style: She has shoulder-length brown hair that is straight - approximately the color of milk chocolate, she usually has it up in a ponytail on the right side of her head tied with a silver scarf
Eye color, shape, etc: Wide-set, rounded, blue-green eyes that are always sparkling with full lashes and thin arched eyebrows that give her a look of mystery and surprise. Much of the time she wears glittery silver eyeshadow.
Body type/build/skin color/height & weight: Caucasian, 5'6", 115 lbs with a slim build (yet with the platform heels she often wears, some people often mistake her for being taller). She has a clear, pale complexion and full lips often highlighted with makeup (frosted lipstick, etc.). Amika is small-waisted yet curvy, with a normal hip size. Her legs are long yet muscular from all her dance training and work in the Color Guard at school, and her arms are long with slender wrists (often covered by several bangle bracelets)
Walking style/carriage: She walks tall with her head held high and a spring in her step when she's feeling good, but when she's feeling bad about something she often walks with a bit of a forward lean, eyes closed, head hung down. On the dance floor, she lets herself go trying every pose, gesture, step and body position imaginable
Clothing style: Retro-chic from the late 70s/early 80s. Her styles range from black leotards/tank tops underneath off-the-shoulder sweatshirts and leggings with high-top sneakers to flashy halter tops in silver and gold lame, wrap dresses and miniskirts. She often wears go-go boots or platform heels when she dresses in her flashier outfits (mostly worn for going out dancing). Amika often accessorizes with big hoop earrings, bangle bracelets and flashy necklaces
Distinguishing marks: She has a tiny mole under her right eye to distinguish herself from her younger sister. They both have similar features (brown hair, blue-green eyes, pale complexion), yet Amika has this tiny mole whereas her sister does not
Other physical appearance details: None, her physical appearance is basically covered
Voice: Amika speaks clearly and confidently with an energetic tone in her voice. Uses a lot of 70s slang when she talks with her friends like "What's happening" (when she greets a friend), "Far out!" (her way of expressing excitement), etc. However, her tone lowers when she expresses her disapproval of something. If you could equate her speaking style to a celebrity, it would be a cross between Courteney Cox and Reese Witherspoon


Personality:

* Outgoing
* Smart
* Popular
* Energetic
* Easygoing
* Friendly

Amika is one of the more popular seniors at Clark High School, yet she is known more for her academic skills than her social skills. She's very smart and among the top of her class, her hope is to go on to a university with a good dance program so she can fulfill her ambitions of becoming a professional dancer. Her favorite school subjects are English, dramatic arts and American history. She can make friends easily as well. She's the co-captain of the school's Color Guard, and a senior member of the Dance Team.
She loves listening to music, preferably a lot of retro from the late 70s and early 80s. On weekends, she likes to go to Studio 54 and dance the night away, but it never detracts her from her studies. She loves to perform, she has won several major dance competitions and has participated in many local dance productions.
Aside from dancing, she loves going to vintage clothing stores looking for more retro-chic outfits to try out or flipping through the compilation racks at work to find 70s disco CDs that she doesn't have yet

History: Amika grew up a California girl, living in glamorous Los Angeles. The famous sights, the palm trees and the beaches along the crystal-clear Pacific Ocean were all that she knew. The firstborn daughter to an American journalist and a British dancer at just after 7am on a clear February morning at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Two years later on April 7, her younger sister Heather entered the world. Their parents, Michael and Nicole, gave them all the love and support they needed - Amika in dance, Heather in art
When Amika was 9 and Heather was 7, Michael received an offer to become the editor of the sports department at a newspaper in Las Vegas. He accepted, and the family left their California life behind for the bright neon lights of Vegas. But it didn't take long for Amika to adapt as she grew older, especially when she became a teenager. She became part of the dance scene when she entered high school and came to embrace disco and other forms of retro music just by listening to the songs and learning about its fashion trends. She never let her academic skills clash with her penchant for dance

Great job with building this section up! I really enjoyed reading about her likes and dislikes, also her favorite food had a cute little story behind it which is a plus to me. She really seems to begin appealing more towards disco than some of the other genres Amika seemed to be leaning between earlier. This was a great improvement. However, there are still some things that need worked on. The flaws department: "She tends to be a bit of a perfectionist, but she's not snobby." While that is okay for a personality description, you certainly do not want to try saving face in the category that is devoted to everything wrong with your character. We all have flaws, and we shouldn't sugarcoat or hide them. Also, on to Personality - you drew forth from all of her good points and the nice side of Amika, delve into some of her flaws for help with shaping a well balanced character. We don't want perfect, we want real. The history is another section that could use some help. It's a good start, almost like a template - just fill it in a bit, give us a little more, how did she get into dance, when did she enter the club scene? Did she ever get into more the vices that Disco encompasses? Don't get me wrong, great improvements overall, still needs a little fine tuning.

 

Wow! Your improvements are amazing :] Her Likes, dislikes, hobbies, and physical appearance are especially outstanding, you made her scream Disco! Also: What kind of dancer does she want to be? I am confused.

 

The personality was the killer on this section; read over what adjectives you used to describe Amika: Outgoing, smart, popular, energetic, easygoing, friendly. These are too general and made her seem very Mary Sue-ish. You also did not give her any negative attributes in your list of personality traits, you must do this! Utilize what the genre disco stands for and her astrological sign. There is so much you can do with this genre and you have not added it to Amika's personality. Tweak this around especially and research traits of an Aquarius, you should know how one who likes disco should act by now. I would love to see her as more free-spirited, unconventional, erratic, or even original in the sense that she is not like "everyone else," she stands out in a crowd. Not only does that fit her genre, but it fits Aquarius too!

 

I would tack on another paragraph or so to the history. How did Amika become so into the 70s and 80s fashion? Why did she get into the dance scene? How did she meet her best friend, Heather? There are so many questions that still need to be answered, you really need to tie up the loose ends in your history and it will be set! Do not be afraid to go a little more in-depth!



III. Relations & Miscellaneous
NPCs/Relationships:
Michael Cassidy (Father): 44 years old, born in Los Angeles, California. He is the sports editor at the Las Vegas Sun, and has a vast knowledge of the genre. He plays football, basketball and hockey in his spare time, and he is an avid follower of the UNLV Rebels as well as the Los Angeles Lakers. He often lets his work take control of him and travels a lot interviewing athletes and covering major games and sporting events, mostly spending time away from his wife and daughters, so Amika is not as close to him as she is to her mother
Nicole Kelly (Mother): 37 years old, born in London, England. A former dancer, she moved to Los Angeles and met Michael Cassidy at UCLA where they were both studying journalism. She longs to see her daughter succeed, but is not pushy like some other "stage mothers". Her hobbies include dance, volleyball and surfing. Amika is really close to her mother and always asks her about all the roles she's done in her dance career and the places she's been, it is Nicole whom Amika inherited her energetic streak from. She currently works out of the family home as a freelance entertainment writer who has successfully sold her stories to various national magazines
Heather Cassidy (Sister): 15 years old, born in Los Angeles, California. A sophomore at Clark High School, she's more introverted than Amika and is an average student, she prefers more individual pursuits like visual arts and chess. She often turns to Amika for help with her schoolwork. Her ambition is to become an artist and display her works at a famous gallery some day. Heather and Amika are really close like two sisters should be, yet they do have their arguments with each other from time to time - mostly over their tastes in music (Amika likes retro, whereas Heather likes bubblegum pop)
Amy Myers (Best Friend): 17 years old, a senior at CHS in Amika's homeroom and is also in her English class and study hall period. Amy was Amika's first friend when she moved to Las Vegas, they met in elementary school and ended up as classmates in high school (they went to different junior high schools and thought they wouldn't see each other again - until one day they bumped into each other in the hall during their freshman year). Because of this, they are also very close to one another
Love Life: Currently single, Amika's studies and ambitions mostly leave her little time to seek love. However, she hopes to find a man who is kind, caring, has a great sense of humor and shares her love for disco dancing and retro music

Character Theme Song: "Night Fever" by the Bee Gees, they were the very essence of disco in the late 70s and fits Amika's character really well
Secret(s): Despite her outgoing, carefree nature, Amika has an intellectual disability. She is autistic, and was diagnosed at the age of 7. This is the main reason why she is able to express herself so freely through her creative streak and her academic abilities

Nice job building up all of the character personalities and relations. You really seemed to tie in everybody a lot better this time around and made them seem more three-dimensional than before. And finally we get some secrets out of you. ;) I thought you did really good here.

 

Things such as her disability need to be incorporated more so into both her personality and history! :] Does she get rid of this as a senshi so she can be a wild, crazy Sailor Disco or does she stay the same?


VI. Proelium Soldier
Senshi Name: Sailor Disco
Henshin Item: A star pendant with an attached disco mirrorball that she wears on a silver charm necklace (it kind of looks like this)
Henshin Phrase: “Disco Alto Power, Make Up!"
Description: Amika holds her pendant aloft as she speaks her henshin phrase. The mirrorball on the pendant glitters and sends out multicolored beams of light that surround her and form her sailor fuku. Silver beams of light wrap around her arms, forming her gloves and bracelet, then wrap around her ankles, forming the ribbons on her shoes. She spins around once as her headpiece appears, then finishes in her final pose: left hand on hip, right leg extended outward, right arm up with index finger pointing upwards, suggesting a disco pose

Fuku (using Fuku #2)
PRIMARY COLOR: Silver
SECONDARY COLOR: Fuchsia
TERTIARY COLOR: Aqua
PATTERN: Zigzag pattern in clear rhinestones
NECKLACE: Silver marabou choker with a star pendant
EARRINGS: Big silver hoop earrings
SAILOR FLAP/COLLAR: Silver lame, standard alto collar, 1 stripe in silver sequins
SLEEVES: None.
GLOVES: The right glove is fuchsia lame in the default style, held together by aqua crystals and cuffed in silver-colored marabou just above the wrist and below her shoulder. The left glove is silver lame, but held with fuchsia sequins. A silver bangle bracelet with a small mirrorball charm adorns her left wrist (the charm is her Mirrorball Orb)
CENTER BOW: None.
BELT: Silver twine with sparkling silver tassel at ends
DRESS: The corset top is Fuku #2 default style, silver lame edged in aqua lame trim. Skirt is the default length and style, in silver lame with aqua trim. The top of the skirt is fuchsia chiffon combined with the rhinestone pattern extending from front to back on the left side
BACK BOW: Default style for the back bow, in aqua lame
SHOES: Silver platform heels with sparkling silver chiffon ribbon winding around the ankles, closed back and toe
TIARA: Silver headband with mirrorball-like star headpiece worn on the left side of her head, three fuchsia rhinestone trails glittering from the bottom point


Challenge Phrase: "Under the glittering night, I am the funky Alto Soldier, Sailor Disco. Feel the fever rising!"

Additional Notes/Changes: When Amika changes into Sailor Disco, her hair transforms from plain straight into wavy with silver glitter. The area underneath her necklace and on her shoulders is flecked with silver body glitter. In her Senshi form, her face is made up with glittery silver eyeshadow, black eyeliner, pink blush and fuchsia lipstick, and she wears 3 star-shaped fuchsia, clear and aqua rhinestones (her Senshi colors) in a fuchsia-clear-aqua pattern underneath her left eye

Attacks (Up to 2 per senshi)
Attack Names: Silver Mirrorball Reflection (song: "I Love The Nightlife" by Alicia Bridges) , Midnight Fever Stardust (song: "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman)
Attack Descriptions:
Silver Mirrorball Reflection: She passes her right hand over the bracelet on her left wrist which activates the Mirrorball Orb - it detaches from her bracelet, increases in size and appears in front of her. Holding it in front of her in both hands, she pirouettes twice as light swirls around her. She shouts her attack phrase, the mirroball glitters and silver light is emitted from it
Midnight Fever Stardust: With her right hand resting on her left shoulder, she swings her left arm upward. Her right hand does several gestures as she performs a combination of dance steps. The energy causes brightly colored stars to rise from the floor beneath her and swirl around her body. She brings her left hand down from its skyward position and says her attack phrase
Attack Effects: When Silver Mirrorball Reflection is used, the silver light that is emitted allows her to see enemy weaknesses. It is usually used as a set-up or combination attack with another Senshi. Not a lot of her energy is used up in this attach
Midnight Fever Stardust is primarily a defense attack. The swirling colored stars act as a shield that defends her from enemy attacks. She only uses this in emergency situations when she is threatened. The energy emitted from the attack can lower her strength level however

Weapon: Mirrorball Orb: A disco mirrorball that is used in her Silver Mirrorball Reflection attack. She wears it as a charm on the silver bangle she wears in Senshi form
Other Information: None
I love, love, love the henshin item and sequence for that matter. The item itself is gorgeous while the transformation seems really pretty. The fuku sounds absolutly stunning and a perfect fit for disco; and since you made fushia the secondary color it doesn't seem to clash with any of the other senshi at the moment. The attacks are absolutely stunning, and overall I think that Amika really is starting to fit the role for Disco.   

 

Oh my gosh, your fuku is brilliant! I could not ask for a more perfect Sailor Disco fuku. :] The materials are great too, I am loving the lame, sequins, rhinestones, glittery make-up, and marabou! And again, you make me swoon at your attacks, I think this is the best part of your application. Sailor Disco is ready to go! (Also, how big is her Mirrorball Orb? I did not see that any where and I am curious. Is it the size of a quarter or what?)



VII: Guardians
Deleted because did not like the original concept for the guardian. Sailor Disco has no guardian


VIII: Writing Sample Optional
Coming soon



IX: Other Shtuff
Potential plans: I would like to see Amika develop a relationship with someone, as her ambitions leave her little time for romance. I would also like to see her achieve her dream of becoming a professional dancer and take a step into becoming a full-fledged, independent young woman doing anything she sets her mind to, despite her disability
Miscellaneous: Anything else you want to add? Amika lives for the nightlife of Vegas, she wants to be free under the neon lights and embrace it as much as possible thanks to her roots from her old hometown of Los Angeles. She's a free spirit in every sense of the word

 

Final Verdict: Reject for Revision; Juice up personality, add a bit more detail to history, and clarify “professional dancer.”

 

Now this is more like it - I adore Amika and her flashy flamboyant likes and fashion sense, I really do think that the revisions made to make her seem more disco really did come together nicely. There is room for more detail in my eyes - she didn't have very many dislikes; however, I definitely got the feel of Amika a lot better this time around and got to see just how she fits into the scheme of things. Just put some more effort into her flaws, personality, and history - don't forget some of the qualities that made disco what it is and just have fun with all of this.

I really liked reading up into the character relations and her senshi information. The way things pieced together nicely this time. Now of course that's not to say going more in depth and developing more to the character isn't a good idea; change and update are things that are always needed; however I feel that Amika would be a nice, flashy addition to Proelium Cantus as the funky Sailor Disco. This is a very good go around. Just remember to give it your all and that Rome wasn't built in a day.

 

 

Amika is getting closer and closer to becoming Sailor Disco! You are only a few steps away from this and it can be done with some easy fixing.

 

To put it simply: Please change her personality section so it suits disco more so and juice up her history. Amika needs some clarifying in these sections and especially WHAT kind of dancer she wishes to be. (Hopefully something fun and not ballerina-ish.)

 

If you read over the list of words you have used to describe Amika, you will understand what you need to change; you also need to add some negative traits in there. One of the main points in selecting an astrological sign and making this brief list of personality traits is to sum up your character's personality and make sure you add traits of her zodiac sign to her persona. :) Use some more colorful words versus the overdone "outgoing," "smart," and "popular." Make the words go hand-in-hand with a walking, talking personification of disco!

 

Spice these sections up, clarify what we specified, do a grammar check (I am seeing lots of sentences without periods!), then resubmit, and Amika will finally become Sailor Disco.